How Would Willard E. Ellis Handle Discipline in 2016 by "Bad to the Bone" David H. Liem

Let's compare our Class of '66's disciplinary experiences with those of 2016 students. In our era, school infractions were dealt with swiftly and decisively by our beloved principal Willard E. Ellis, or simply, WILLARD. Today's students, aka Snowflakes, do not tolerate Microaggressions, demand both Psychological Safe Zones and good grades to augment their Self-Esteem. Today, a college administrator comes into a class and says: "How's everyone doing?" and a student exclaims, "I suffered a microaggression, I didn't have a trigger warning about the subject matter in today's class". THAT'S 2016!

We knew how WILLARD dealt with our school infractions in 1966.  I thought it would be interesting to speculate on, assuming he was coerced by the current Politically Correct (PC) culture, how he would hand out discipline on the same infractions today. 

Infraction 1966: Smoking in the bathroom.

WILLARD PC: May I suggest filtered cigarettes, less tar and less nicotine.

Infraction 1966: Busted for Graffiti on school walls.

WILLARD PC: Good job! I love street art. 

Infraction 1966: Dropping a deuce into a classmate's tennis shoe in their school locker (one of my sons actually did this in junior high school).

WILLARD PC: A-OK! Getting enough fiber in a diet is good. 

Infraction 1966: Giving an underclass male student a "SWIRLY" (sticking one's head in the toilet and flushing it).

WILLARD PC: How kind of you for washing your friend's hair. 

Infraction 1966: Doing donuts on a frozen high school parking lot.

WILLARD PC: Wonderful, He must be prepping for his winter’s Driver’s Education course. 

Infraction 1966: TP-ing the principal's home. 
WILLARD PC: Double ply, great choice!  We will recycle this tissue. 

Infraction 1966: Giving an underclass male student a "Melvin" or an atomic wedgie in the hall.

WILLARD PC: Oh, I see you're wearing HANES. Good choice! 

Infraction 1966: Having sex in the back seat of your car in the school parking lot at lunchtime.

WILLARD PC: I see you are wearing a condom!  That's being very responsible!

Infraction 1966: Putting ex-lax in cookies given to cheerleaders by the home economics class just before a pep rally.

 WILLARD PC: It's important to be regular!

Infraction 1966: Drinking Johnny Walker Black in a flask in the library.

WILLARD PC: Good choice! May I suggest you pair that with a Scotty’s cheeseburger?


Infraction 1966: Drawing a penis on the face of a sleeping classmate with a sharpie during history class.

WILLARD PC: Oh good, the penis is circumcised. Makes for good hygiene!

Fortunately, for the Class of '66, we were blessed in that WILLARD was allowed to be WILLARD!

Nevertheless, I, David H. Liem, graduated impervious to WILLARD's well intended interventions and have remained unwaveringly, "Bad to the Bone!"  

Click on the video link below to see how I turned out. This blog is meant as a humorous anecdote.